Issue 349
Cast your mind back a few editions…. to #346 (Driving Miss Daisy), which featured the Five Drivers (advice planted in your subconscious when you were little, which was helpful then, but very destructive now unless kept in proportion).
Similar research has also identified other destructive traits, called Saboteurs, which (again if not kept in proportion) can hamper your performance.
These are --
- The Avoider – “focusing on the positive and pleasant in an extreme way; avoiding difficult and unpleasant tasks and conflicts”
- The Controller – has an “anxious need to take charge and control situations and people’s actions to one’s own will; results in anxiety and impatience when that is impossible”
- The Hyper-Achiever – “dependent on constant performance and achievement for self-respect and self-validation; highly focused on external success, leading to unsustainable workaholic tendencies and loss of touch with deeper emotional and relationship needs”
- The Hyper-Rational – has an “intense and exclusive focus on the rational processing of everything; can be perceived as cold, distant, and intellectually arrogant”
- The Hyper-Vigilant – “continuous intense anxiety about all the dangers in life and a strong focus on what could go wrong; can never rest”
- The Pleaser – “indirectly tries to gain acceptance and affection by helping, pleasing, or flattering others; loses sight of own needs and becomes resentful as a result”
- The Restless – “constantly in search of greater excitement in the next activity or in constant busyness; rarely at peace or content with the current activity”
- The Stickler – “perfectionism and a need for order and organization taken too far”
- The Victim – “emotional and temperamental style to gain attention and affection; an extreme focus on internal feelings, particularly painful ones; martyr streak”
You may, dear reader, recognise one or more of these in your own psyche…. but at least most of us have only one or two of them (you can find out which ones here) ….
…. whereas nearly all of us are plagued by the Master Saboteur, beside which these nine are all relatively benign.
Step forward – The Judge.
The Judge causes us to have negative thoughts and unhappy emotions by finding faults in ourselves, others, and our circumstances.
1) Judging Self: “I am not worthy of love and respect – I am a fraud – I am not good enough ….”
2) Judging Others: concentrating on other people’s faults, rather than their good qualities
3) Judging Circumstances: “I will be happy only when [I move to my dream house] [I earn more than £X,000] [I get my weight down below Y stone] [<cross out/fill in as appropriate>]”
Scar-eee!!
But help is at hand – using your Sage (the wise and balanced part of your mind) to question and defeat the Saboteurs.
How does it do that? Wait till the next exciting blog episode to find out! <cue music from The Archers ….>.
In the meanwhile, though, you could always rebalance your sense of perspective by bouncing ideas off other people you trust …. how would it be if you had access to a group of seven other independent business owners, who you meet every month, and who will not only give you a different perspective, but also robust feedback, support, and advice, with no axe to grind? You could share your thoughts with them and ask for their advice …. if this sounds attractive, you know where to come!
Enough serious stuff – time for some odd items you may have missed during the gloriously sunny weather we’ve been having since the last edition (shome mishtake, shurely? – Ed).
Quirky News You Might Have Missed
Let’s have some good news for a change.
- It seems we really do get wiser with age. Boffins at Stanford have found that the risk-taking element of our brain starts to fade as we get older, and our hormones reduce, letting us make more balanced and emotionally intelligent decisions (I look forward to it – Ed) ….
- Other boffins (from Tel Aviv) think that the key to being more attractive is kindness – participants presented with photos of smiling men and women alongside descriptions of them found that the people described as “kind” were considered the most physically beautiful ….
- Despite the daily doom and gloom in the press, on many measures the world continues to become a much better place. Fifty years ago more than 40% of mankind lived in extreme poverty – it’s now 10%; 96% of newly installed solar and onshore wind power plants are more economical than new gas or coal; next year, renewables will overtake coal as the largest source of electric power generation in the world; and Britain’s last coal-fired power station (Ratcliffe-on-Soar) closed a couple of weeks ago ….
- …. and HT Mr Tim Langton, who in a recent letter to the Grauniad wrote “Elon Musk has told his followers on X not to visit this country. At last, some good news”
On to Columbo Corner...
Columbo Corner
- In startling news, Mt Everest is growing higher …. by 2mm a year (glad it’s not me who has to go to the top to measure it – Ed)
- And you may have missed the zingers which were shortlisted for the comedy award at the Edinburgh Fringe. These included –
- “my desire to spontaneously sing The Lion Sleeps Tonight is always just a whim away”
- “my girlfriend told me she’s never seen the film Gaslight. I told her ‘yes you have – we watched it together’”
- and the winner – “I was going to sail round the globe in the world’s smallest ship, but I bottled it” (love it – Ed)
- Earlier years’ winners include –
- “I started dated a zookeeper, but it turned out he was a cheetah”
- “working at the job centre must be tense – knowing that if you get fired you still have to come in the next day”
- “I heard a rumour that Cadbury are bringing out a new oriental chocolate bar – but it may be just a Chinese Wispa”
- and the Ed’s fave – “I needed a password eight characters long, so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves”
Only six months till Spring!
Cheers for now,
Tom
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